Finding what was lost

I’ve been a negative place for a while (thus the lack of posts). This week was especially miserable due to being sick. But overall my life recently has left me unsatisfied. I can’t quite understand why. I have a great husband who loves being with me, I have a dependable job, a home, and I’m an athlete. This year I did my second half iron triathlon, biked 204 miles in one weekend, did a half marathon, and am only 6 weeks away from my first full marathon. What can I be unhappy about? Sure there’s stress about money… but my problems are pretty insignificant when compared to other people’s. It’s true I’m not happy with my body… even if it can do triathlons and other crazy endurance events. I’m overweight and really struggling to control my eating. As active as I am, I’m also super lazy, a trait that I despise in others. Maybe that’s my problem, I expect more of myself and feel bad when I don’t meet my own standards. I’ve been struggling with a lot of negativity lately, but it’s starting to get better. I don’t like to be “the complainer” but I think talking to others will help me sort things out. In today’s Weight Watchers meeting (where the scale reported yet another 0.4 pound gain) I spoke up and asked people how they deal with feeling down and finding motivation. It was scarey to mention such a personal problem to a bunch of strangers, but many of them reached out to me. I received a loud and clear message that I’m not alone in these feelings. I need to remember the things I enjoy and spend more time doing those things. I need to get outside more often. And especially I need to find something other than food to turn to.

Also today I’ve been watching reruns of a tv show about obese people who are put into a 6 month program to get healthy. These people have some pretty heavy psychological burdens… why else would someone destroy their body like that? I don’t want to become one of those sad people. I am young and mostly healthy and have a lot to live for. So today I’m grabbing hold of my motivation with both hands. I may be coughing up a lung and using a whole box of klenex at tomorrow’s marathon practice, but I’m going to go and give my 100% effort.